A love lived

A composition of a love's writings '22-'24; 

O My Love, A Prayer Away, Our Cherished Kingdom, Changed Plans, A Succulent Good-bye

There's different kinds of love - 

Lively love

Lowly love

Lonely love

Loves loved

And loves lost

I have a love I chose 

But I once had a love I lived...

I lived a love that was worth living, worth feeling, in all of it's harsh degrees

When you find something like this, 

You’ve got a lot to lose.

And nothing to lose, all at the same time...

So us, we love hard.

We fight hard.

We hurt fast but we heal fast.

Frankly, we move fast.

I had a plan,

I wasn’t looking,

I wasn’t searching,

I wasn’t desiring,

Not until you came along

Then like a in fire and a flood; everything I knew, planned, and wanted disintegrated as I thought about you;

As I think about how you changed my plans. 

I stand in this beautiful, vulnerable, and dangerous space with changed plans and yet an inability to make plans with you;

But right now, you are my plan.

And for now, that is enough. 

It's us against the world.

We are building something together,

A friendship, a romance, a love, a life.

You briefly caught a glimpse of Morose,

And you intimately met the vicious, lively, alluring Merriment.

You saw them both,

You even saw them dancing together in a fiery and volatile fight

They almost pushed you away but you kept your figure tips locked.

You kept them locked because you've met versions of my lovers in your own life before.

You saw reason to keep a grip, no matter how light that grip was,

I wanted to tell you all of it right there and then!

I so desperately wanted to authentically and messily introduce you to Merriment and Morose,

But I knew they had done enough damage for the time being.

I also knew that with time you would come to see me past them. So I asked, I pleaded!

And you waited,

And we rebuilt, then built more…

And we tried, and tested, and trusted,  

Then what they had devoured and fiend on, we built back two-fold.

We built back stronger,

Together.

We are separately messy, and mending, 

Together.

As I allow myself to dream,

I dream of the future kingdom we could build together,

- Our Cherished Kingdom -

A kingdom of our own where I will thrive and you will succeed,

Others will see our cherished kingdom that began as a little village filled with uncertainty, internal and external

This kingdom is a life, our life

Together we are magnificent, we are beautiful; 

We are separately together, passionately pursuing, without allowing our heads to get in the way

I love our kingdom, 

I love the potential for our kingdom,

Here I am, gregarious smile and love-stricken dimples, 

Fear lurking behind my clenched teeth.

Because I know that the only kingdom I can build with you is our own.

And my life is not my own.

Howbeit, I still see reason to keep laying the bricks,

To keep curating the architecture.

Because I am in love with you.

I love you.

So there must be a way, there has to be a way, there will come a way, 

But only the King of kings truly knows …

O my Love,

I love all that's in you,

Except, that He's not.

I love all of you,

But not Him in you.

I look at you with awe and gladness!

I look for Him in you so hard;

Just to be left looking for something that is not there.

The purest love and strongest bond,

We lack.

Because my heart beats differently,

My bones move differently,

My soul cries and aches differently,

All I want for you is to experience a kind of love that, even in my strongest, purest efforts, I will never be able to give you.

So eventually, there we stood,

Nestled in true love’s arms,

Trembling, sniffling, catching our breath

Our breath.

It was there, we left with a kiss;

The realest connection we knew,

She chose her soul over her own heart.